PART I - Motivation
When we always do something, we want success no matter
whatever may it be. We experience a lot of trouble before achieving it.
Especially for some, the world would have been perfect if it had been quite
alone with them. They often tend to feel uncomfortable with a lot of people
around them, and often tend to misjudge their failure with the crowdedness
around them. And not taking the bitter aspect that they do not have enough
potential within them. Taking you around an example of my story, from my
childhood days it always had been a hard time getting through with friends of
my age. I always find it hard to make friends, who I can truly rely upon. Maybe
because of my physique, my friends feel I am kind of old and not fit with them.
Wherever I studied there was always a gang that kept mocking me down and all
the members of my age where in that gang except one, and that one was I. I
could even remember still now, how I cried to my mom of not having any friends
when I was studying second standard. She used to convince me by saying you got
that one precious friend who never lets you down and that no one of your
friends had any, and that precious friend was my mom.
She could somehow convince me at my small age, but when I grew
bigger life became worse. When I was at the junior school, I always wanted to
become a topper so that I can show everyone that I am not lower to them in any
way. It became difficult to sit in a class, where all the toppers used to mock
me in one way or the other. And each time I try to get good marks with all the
hard work and only end up as an average student. Even when some of the parents
of the toppers of my class came to meet the class teacher, only to complaint
about me that I am the one responsible for turning their kinds down by mocking
them. You could hardly see how I felt that moment. It is as if that god himself
had no mercy on me. I would have gone out of control, if it hadn’t been for our
teacher who clearly said that he is in no way related to your kids’ low
performance, it is your son who had to improve. It is at that time I believed
in that teacher more than god himself. Every time I saw that teacher, it is as
if I saw god, I saw my hope through her. Time passed by it was time for my senior
school.
The first time when we feel as a grown up kid, we get to wear
pants, we come in motor cycles; we have our own cell phone, and lot more. It is
at that time when we feel we became the rulers of the school who set their own
rules, well not me as it is once again that I am a lonely looser. Things become
worse as I set foot in my senior school. I went from average to poor category.
I could hardly pass an exam. It is at this time I explored a lot of things
around me, how my once said toppers topped the class then, it is because they
had early tuition during the holidays, before we even entered in to our
portions. I was desperate to get tuition too, but my father refused as it cost
around 20,000Rs for a year. And then it all became worse, when I got to my
tenth standard, I used to be early for school as it was my only ride to school.
I thought I could improve my vocabulary by studying some newspapers, once again
my mocking gang started around me. So I stopped that as well, I also had that
inner feeling that I am not going to improve my physique as it become much
worse. You know how it feels when all the good looking girls in your class
hardly spoke to you and that there was this toppers gang who swept away all the
girls with their style. I neither had a grade nor a physique nor a character,
so in no way I can even get a girls attention. So I started believing to myself
that let it be the reverse way around, if a girl come and speaks to me then I
shall show interest in her, otherwise forget any girl who passes in my life.
And once again my life was all flooded with my loneliness because of such an
attitude. As I saw lot of movies, I was very much fantasied by them, I used to
overcome the loneliness problem by believing that there was always someone who
was near me, it was like my second voice, I made it my gut feeling, and always
followed whatever it said. When my tenth board exams neared I had chickenpox, I
got it over but still it made me worse to concentrate in my studies. When I
opened my book I always felt, why a guy at such a small age should be given
such huge portions, when one is not even going to remember half of it when he
goes to the next grade. I hated to remember history; I always felt it was
useless to remember the events in the past. The exams went by and I got a score
that made me ineligible to study in my own school as well. It was the time when
education department made strict policies of lowering the strength in a class
and it hit me the worst way possible. It was as if I was dangling around
without a school to continue, I was filled with regret.
I always hated my
father for one reason; he used to always quote examples of his colleagues kids
who were toppers. Every time my father gave me a piece of advice there would be
an example of a successful kid in it, and it made me hate both my father and
his advice as well. My parents searched the entire city for admissions and only
returned in vein. And by now you can imagine what would have happened to my
life; it was scolding and advice again and again and again, until I got an
admission in to a school. This time I went from a private school to a
government school. It was like I was demoted to a level down. And then the
miracle happened, my father finally thought of tuition, well in this case a
coaching institute that would improve my carrier. Once again it was a surprise,
he suddenly took me to an institute and they said they are conducting the test
for admissions in to their institute. I took the test with no hope. Unlike my
father, my mother was always a motivator, if it hadn’t been for my mother I
wouldn’t have event made it this far. And once again the surprise thing
happened; I got admission in to that institute. I still remember what my mother
said at that moment, you are lucky to get in to that institute; lot of students
try and fail, you still got something left in you, use that well.
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